Sunday, January 31, 2010

Looking Back

I can't stop thinking about what Joe and I were doing exactly one year ago this weekend. It was one of the worst weekends of my life, for sure. I was just ending my first trimester of pregnancy and was absolutely elated because, as every child bearing woman knows, entering the second trimester meant that the chances of a miscarriage plummet. So when we ended up in the emergency room with some pretty telltale signs of a miscarriage, I was crushed. The symptoms that I was experiencing could only mean one thing: I was loosing my baby. I was convinced of this for at least three hours as we waited in the ER. I was absolutely devastated, thinking that I was loosing this life inside of me, this life that I already loved so much. And then I saw the most beautiful thing. On the ultrasound screen, through my tears, I saw that amazing teeny tiny beating heart. Our baby was okay. Without much explanation on what was causing the complications, we were relieved that everything was fine, but worried that something could still take a turn for the worse.

Fast forward exactly six months. Joe and I rush to the hospital again. A little nervous again, but mostly just excited beyond belief. I'm poked and prodded for hours once more. But once again, in the end, through my tears I see the most beautiful sight. My baby boy. He's here at last. Safe and sound and as perfect as can be. I will cherish every second with him and never take him for granted.

Happy Half Birthday, my sweet boy! We love you so much!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Belly Laughs

Everyday I play the guessing game of what randomness Shae will find hilarious. What gets me nonstop laughter one day will leave me hearing crickets chirping the next. Here's a little number that I call the "Goo-goo Gaa-gaa" dance which Shae was quite impressed with after dinner the other night. Pardon the shaky camera, but the fun little dance makes it impossible to hold it steady. If you could only see what Shae was seeing, you'd probably be cracking up too.

Bath Time

Shae continues to love his baths. His arms and legs don't stop splashing for a second. But perhaps his favorite part of the experience comes at the end of his bath. His love for post bath time is not due to cuddling up in a warm towel or getting massaged with lotion. It's due to the mirror that he lays next to during this time, allowing him a good view of his cuteness. Vain? Maybe a little.








Sunday, January 17, 2010

Evolving Thoughts on Stay-at-Home Moms

How many of us are strong enough, or determined enough, to choose a position in society that is given no payment (thereby ensuring that we and our families will have fewer material benefits), virtually no recognition (ensuring that our labor is seen to be of little value and of absolutely no interest), and that requires a high level of social isolation? –Carol Lees

I came across this quote the other day and it reminded me of how proud I should be to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM – yes, this really is a commonly used acronym among parents, I swear). Sometimes I have to remind myself that it does take a lot of strength and sacrifice, and that the value of my work is priceless. I have to remind myself of this because my feelings of SAHMs (and dads) have not been consistent throughout my life. If you would’ve asked me in college if I would ever want to be a SAHM, my reply would’ve sounded something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer than that!”

Then, when I was pregnant and began bonding with my baby, I began to think about how much time I would miss with him if I kept working. I wanted to be the one giving him love and affection all day. I wanted to teach him things. I wanted to witness his milestones. I wanted to raise him. I also began to think about how luxurious it would be to stay home with my baby. I could just hang out with my pride and joy all day, get a few things done around the house, and maybe even sneak in a nap or two throughout the day while he napped. Ha!

I love that I get to be home with Shae. It truly is a blessing. But reality has sunk in too. There’s the never-ending laundry and cleaning. Washing bottles. Trying to keep the house picked up at all times so that Rocky doesn’t take another baby toy to be used as a chew toy (even though we’re coming right back down to play with these toys again after we go change this diaper). There’s the spit up stained shirt that I’ve been wearing for two days. Baby colds, teething, etc. when the poor little guy is irritable ALL day. The worry that Shae isn’t getting enough socialization. And wait; has it seriously been five days since I’ve seen another adult besides my husband? Luxurious indeed.

Because of my own mixed feelings about at-home parents, I’m not too surprised at the range of other peoples’ reactions. I haven’t heard all of this directed at me, but they’re things I’ve heard at some point in my life. Everything from, “Oh, she’s just a stay-at-home mom” to “Wow, good for you. It’s the most important job in the world.” I think that a lot of people (my former self included) have a hard time seeing leaving a career to raise their children as a valid choice for an intelligent adult.

Women used to stay home and tend to their family rather than holding a job because it was expected of them. It was believed by many that this was where they belonged. Then there was this shift of “I am woman, hear me roar.” Thank God for this shift! But I think that it was because of this shift that many people now believe that a woman staying at home to raise her children is a step back in the wrong direction. I admit it, I used to think the same thing. But I realize now that the empowerment of women isn’t about having a career. It’s about having the choice. I’m choosing to stay home with my kids. Not because it’s “my place,” but because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

I recently had a career opportunity present itself that I would’ve jumped at two years ago. I actually stewed over it for a couple of days, trying to decide if I should reenter the “professional” world. The moment of clarity came when I was feeding Shae a bottle in the middle of the afternoon. He was just sucking away and staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes when it hit me: Why on Earth would I want to give this up if I don’t have to? I can get back into a career in the future if I truly want to. But you know what I can’t get back in the future, no matter how hard I try? Precious moments with sweet little five month old baby Shae. I will never look back and regret spending a single minute with him.

I do realize how fortunate I am to have this option. I know that it’s not doable or desirable for everyone, and I would never judge another parent for making a different decision. But if you would ask me now if I would ever want to go back to work instead of being home with my baby, my reply would sound something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer him than that!”


Here are a few of those precious moments Shae has given me over the past couple of weeks:



Saturday, January 2, 2010

Cousins

Shae and his cousin, Blaise, wanted to give some photos to grandparents for Christmas. Other than the fact that Shae can't sit up on his own yet, he's usually a pretty easy photo subject. But I soon learned that this probably won't be the case in another couple of years or so when he reaches that age of the "terrific" two's. I used to think that it was hard to get a decent picture of Rocky...then I tried taking pictures of a two year old boy. Blaise did NOT want to do anything that we asked him to do so we found ourselves trying to "trick" him into poses. As you can see below, I think we got him to actually look at the camera a few times, but some of the other candid shots are pretty cute anyways. If nothing else, it made for an eventful morning!