How many of us are strong enough, or determined enough, to choose a position in society that is given no payment (thereby ensuring that we and our families will have fewer material benefits), virtually no recognition (ensuring that our labor is seen to be of little value and of absolutely no interest), and that requires a high level of social isolation? –Carol Lees
I came across this quote the other day and it reminded me of how proud I should be to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM – yes, this really is a commonly used acronym among parents, I swear). Sometimes I have to remind myself that it does take a lot of strength and sacrifice, and that the value of my work is priceless. I have to remind myself of this because my feelings of SAHMs (and dads) have not been consistent throughout my life. If you would’ve asked me in college if I would ever want to be a SAHM, my reply would’ve sounded something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer than that!”
Then, when I was pregnant and began bonding with my baby, I began to think about how much time I would miss with him if I kept working. I wanted to be the one giving him love and affection all day. I wanted to teach him things. I wanted to witness his milestones. I wanted to raise him. I also began to think about how luxurious it would be to stay home with my baby. I could just hang out with my pride and joy all day, get a few things done around the house, and maybe even sneak in a nap or two throughout the day while he napped. Ha!
I love that I get to be home with Shae. It truly is a blessing. But reality has sunk in too. There’s the never-ending laundry and cleaning. Washing bottles. Trying to keep the house picked up at all times so that Rocky doesn’t take another baby toy to be used as a chew toy (even though we’re coming right back down to play with these toys again after we go change this diaper). There’s the spit up stained shirt that I’ve been wearing for two days. Baby colds, teething, etc. when the poor little guy is irritable ALL day. The worry that Shae isn’t getting enough socialization. And wait; has it seriously been five days since I’ve seen another adult besides my husband? Luxurious indeed.
Because of my own mixed feelings about at-home parents, I’m not too surprised at the range of other peoples’ reactions. I haven’t heard all of this directed at me, but they’re things I’ve heard at some point in my life. Everything from, “Oh, she’s just a stay-at-home mom” to “Wow, good for you. It’s the most important job in the world.” I think that a lot of people (my former self included) have a hard time seeing leaving a career to raise their children as a valid choice for an intelligent adult.
Women used to stay home and tend to their family rather than holding a job because it was expected of them. It was believed by many that this was where they belonged. Then there was this shift of “I am woman, hear me roar.” Thank God for this shift! But I think that it was because of this shift that many people now believe that a woman staying at home to raise her children is a step back in the wrong direction. I admit it, I used to think the same thing. But I realize now that the empowerment of women isn’t about having a career. It’s about having the choice. I’m choosing to stay home with my kids. Not because it’s “my place,” but because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
I recently had a career opportunity present itself that I would’ve jumped at two years ago. I actually stewed over it for a couple of days, trying to decide if I should reenter the “professional” world. The moment of clarity came when I was feeding Shae a bottle in the middle of the afternoon. He was just sucking away and staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes when it hit me: Why on Earth would I want to give this up if I don’t have to? I can get back into a career in the future if I truly want to. But you know what I can’t get back in the future, no matter how hard I try? Precious moments with sweet little five month old baby Shae. I will never look back and regret spending a single minute with him.
I do realize how fortunate I am to have this option. I know that it’s not doable or desirable for everyone, and I would never judge another parent for making a different decision. But if you would ask me now if I would ever want to go back to work instead of being home with my baby, my reply would sound something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer him than that!”
I came across this quote the other day and it reminded me of how proud I should be to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM – yes, this really is a commonly used acronym among parents, I swear). Sometimes I have to remind myself that it does take a lot of strength and sacrifice, and that the value of my work is priceless. I have to remind myself of this because my feelings of SAHMs (and dads) have not been consistent throughout my life. If you would’ve asked me in college if I would ever want to be a SAHM, my reply would’ve sounded something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer than that!”
Then, when I was pregnant and began bonding with my baby, I began to think about how much time I would miss with him if I kept working. I wanted to be the one giving him love and affection all day. I wanted to teach him things. I wanted to witness his milestones. I wanted to raise him. I also began to think about how luxurious it would be to stay home with my baby. I could just hang out with my pride and joy all day, get a few things done around the house, and maybe even sneak in a nap or two throughout the day while he napped. Ha!
I love that I get to be home with Shae. It truly is a blessing. But reality has sunk in too. There’s the never-ending laundry and cleaning. Washing bottles. Trying to keep the house picked up at all times so that Rocky doesn’t take another baby toy to be used as a chew toy (even though we’re coming right back down to play with these toys again after we go change this diaper). There’s the spit up stained shirt that I’ve been wearing for two days. Baby colds, teething, etc. when the poor little guy is irritable ALL day. The worry that Shae isn’t getting enough socialization. And wait; has it seriously been five days since I’ve seen another adult besides my husband? Luxurious indeed.
Because of my own mixed feelings about at-home parents, I’m not too surprised at the range of other peoples’ reactions. I haven’t heard all of this directed at me, but they’re things I’ve heard at some point in my life. Everything from, “Oh, she’s just a stay-at-home mom” to “Wow, good for you. It’s the most important job in the world.” I think that a lot of people (my former self included) have a hard time seeing leaving a career to raise their children as a valid choice for an intelligent adult.
Women used to stay home and tend to their family rather than holding a job because it was expected of them. It was believed by many that this was where they belonged. Then there was this shift of “I am woman, hear me roar.” Thank God for this shift! But I think that it was because of this shift that many people now believe that a woman staying at home to raise her children is a step back in the wrong direction. I admit it, I used to think the same thing. But I realize now that the empowerment of women isn’t about having a career. It’s about having the choice. I’m choosing to stay home with my kids. Not because it’s “my place,” but because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.
I recently had a career opportunity present itself that I would’ve jumped at two years ago. I actually stewed over it for a couple of days, trying to decide if I should reenter the “professional” world. The moment of clarity came when I was feeding Shae a bottle in the middle of the afternoon. He was just sucking away and staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes when it hit me: Why on Earth would I want to give this up if I don’t have to? I can get back into a career in the future if I truly want to. But you know what I can’t get back in the future, no matter how hard I try? Precious moments with sweet little five month old baby Shae. I will never look back and regret spending a single minute with him.
I do realize how fortunate I am to have this option. I know that it’s not doable or desirable for everyone, and I would never judge another parent for making a different decision. But if you would ask me now if I would ever want to go back to work instead of being home with my baby, my reply would sound something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer him than that!”
Here are a few of those precious moments Shae has given me over the past couple of weeks:
5 comments:
Hi Alison, I am a friend of Jen Bahn's and my daughter used to go to your mom's for daycare. I left my job as a kindergarten teacher to stay home with my daughter, now 16 months. I got a little teary eyed reading this because it is SO TRUE! I battle myself every day of where my place in the world is, and I always come back to being a SAHM. We truly don't give ourselves enough credit for the work we do. It has its ups and downs, but thank you for reminding me how lucky I truly am :)
Yes, Amy, I know who you are! :) My mom spoke of you and your beautiful daughter often. And I actually think I even met you once when you were pregnant. I think you came to a gathering with Jen at our friend Jaime's house.
Thanks for the note. It really is a wonderful but challenging job, isn't it?
That is beautiful Alison! I so wish that someday I could be fortunate enough to be able to stay at home also, but for now, we'll have to settle for the BEST daycare in the world! (We love you Lori and if it weren't for you I'd probably figure out a way to stay home). But really, good for you. You are an amazing mother and Shae is so lucky to have you! Thanks for writing that! Perhaps you can do some freelance writing from home?! :) You are great.
Alison, that is such a wonderful thing to read! I do believe being a stay at home mom is the best job in the world! I would love to be a SAHM and am quite jealous of those who are! I get home from work and look at Kendra wondering what I missed that day! I am very happy that you have the best job in the world and I am sure Shae loves seeing you all day long!
What a wonderful post Alison. I am very proud of you. I know that such a decision was probably difficult (especially in this economy), but I'm sure that it's one that you will never regret. And special kudos to Joe for supporting your decision. Shae is a very special and lucky little guy. The relationship between a boy and his mother is special - I'm so happy that you are able to share so much time with Shae. Mostly I'm happy to see you so happy. I guess that's every parents' wish.
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