Evolving Thoughts on Stay-at-Home Moms

How many of us are strong enough, or determined enough, to choose a position in society that is given no payment (thereby ensuring that we and our families will have fewer material benefits), virtually no recognition (ensuring that our labor is seen to be of little value and of absolutely no interest), and that requires a high level of social isolation? –Carol Lees

I came across this quote the other day and it reminded me of how proud I should be to be a stay-at-home mom (SAHM – yes, this really is a commonly used acronym among parents, I swear). Sometimes I have to remind myself that it does take a lot of strength and sacrifice, and that the value of my work is priceless. I have to remind myself of this because my feelings of SAHMs (and dads) have not been consistent throughout my life. If you would’ve asked me in college if I would ever want to be a SAHM, my reply would’ve sounded something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer than that!”

Then, when I was pregnant and began bonding with my baby, I began to think about how much time I would miss with him if I kept working. I wanted to be the one giving him love and affection all day. I wanted to teach him things. I wanted to witness his milestones. I wanted to raise him. I also began to think about how luxurious it would be to stay home with my baby. I could just hang out with my pride and joy all day, get a few things done around the house, and maybe even sneak in a nap or two throughout the day while he napped. Ha!

I love that I get to be home with Shae. It truly is a blessing. But reality has sunk in too. There’s the never-ending laundry and cleaning. Washing bottles. Trying to keep the house picked up at all times so that Rocky doesn’t take another baby toy to be used as a chew toy (even though we’re coming right back down to play with these toys again after we go change this diaper). There’s the spit up stained shirt that I’ve been wearing for two days. Baby colds, teething, etc. when the poor little guy is irritable ALL day. The worry that Shae isn’t getting enough socialization. And wait; has it seriously been five days since I’ve seen another adult besides my husband? Luxurious indeed.

Because of my own mixed feelings about at-home parents, I’m not too surprised at the range of other peoples’ reactions. I haven’t heard all of this directed at me, but they’re things I’ve heard at some point in my life. Everything from, “Oh, she’s just a stay-at-home mom” to “Wow, good for you. It’s the most important job in the world.” I think that a lot of people (my former self included) have a hard time seeing leaving a career to raise their children as a valid choice for an intelligent adult.

Women used to stay home and tend to their family rather than holding a job because it was expected of them. It was believed by many that this was where they belonged. Then there was this shift of “I am woman, hear me roar.” Thank God for this shift! But I think that it was because of this shift that many people now believe that a woman staying at home to raise her children is a step back in the wrong direction. I admit it, I used to think the same thing. But I realize now that the empowerment of women isn’t about having a career. It’s about having the choice. I’m choosing to stay home with my kids. Not because it’s “my place,” but because there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.

I recently had a career opportunity present itself that I would’ve jumped at two years ago. I actually stewed over it for a couple of days, trying to decide if I should reenter the “professional” world. The moment of clarity came when I was feeding Shae a bottle in the middle of the afternoon. He was just sucking away and staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes when it hit me: Why on Earth would I want to give this up if I don’t have to? I can get back into a career in the future if I truly want to. But you know what I can’t get back in the future, no matter how hard I try? Precious moments with sweet little five month old baby Shae. I will never look back and regret spending a single minute with him.

I do realize how fortunate I am to have this option. I know that it’s not doable or desirable for everyone, and I would never judge another parent for making a different decision. But if you would ask me now if I would ever want to go back to work instead of being home with my baby, my reply would sound something like this: “Hell no! I have way more to offer him than that!”

Here are a few of those precious moments Shae has given me over the past couple of weeks:

Cousins

Shae and his cousin, Blaise, wanted to give some photos to grandparents for Christmas. Other than the fact that Shae can't sit up on his own yet, he's usually a pretty easy photo subject. But I soon learned that this probably won't be the case in another couple of years or so when he reaches that age of the "terrific" two's. I used to think that it was hard to get a decent picture of Rocky...then I tried taking pictures of a two year old boy. Blaise did NOT want to do anything that we asked him to do so we found ourselves trying to "trick" him into poses. As you can see below, I think we got him to actually look at the camera a few times, but some of the other candid shots are pretty cute anyways. If nothing else, it made for an eventful morning!

First Christmas

What a wonderful first Christmas Shae had! We were a little nervous that some of it would have to be postponed because of the big winter storm rolling through, but we were able to make it to visit all family as planned.

Christmas Eve was spent at the farm with Grandma Lori and Grandpa Bob and family. Christmas Day started out at home with Mommy and Daddy, opening gifts and playing with the new toys that Santa brought. We then headed down to Grandma Kathy's and Grandpa Mike's for brunch. We stopped home again for a little nap, and then it was off to Great Nana's for Christmas dinner. It was a busy day! We were a little worried that Shae might get cranky by the end of it, but he was all smiles pretty much the whole way through. Then, the day after Christmas was spent at Grandpa Gary's and Grandma Mary's for some more celebrating. The fun was just never ending.

Although it makes for some hectic holidyas, Shae sure is lucky to have been born into such a large family with so many people to love him.

Also, we were just overwhelmed with all of the gifts Shae received and we couldn't resist capturing a moment with him and all of his first Christmas loot.

Not so sure about the sled at first.

Doesn't that pouty face just make you melt?

But a second later, his big ol' grin was back.

Daddy Speaks Out

Well, another year has passed. Of course most of you think I’m talking about 2009 coming to a close. I’m not. Selfishly, I’m talking about me here. You see, today’s my birthday. I turn 33 today (insert old joke here). And so I thought: what better time than now to break my blog silence…when I'm reflecting on how blessed I am in life.

It’s interesting to look back and think about how much life changes over such a short period of time—and I’ve only lived a small portion of it. In my early twenties it was all about the party and living beyond my means. In my mid-twenties it was all about playing golf and baseball and spending an obscene amount of time at Benchwarmer Bob’s. In my late twenties and early thirties it was all about making more money—having financial security.

Okay, so that wasn’t what it was all about— I did graduate from college and get a good job and buy a townhome and adopt the world’s craziest dog; I did marry my soulmate and become closer to my parents and family than I’ve ever been. But they were some powerful underlying motivators, that can’t be debated.

But you know what?

Partying and living beyond my means is nothing compared to looking across the room and seeing Shae smile wide at me, exposing his two front teeth. Playing golf and baseball and spending an obscene amount of time at Benchwarmer Bob’s pales in comparison to reading a book to Shae and having him look up into my eyes in expectation of what I’m going to say next. Making more money seems insignificant when we’re all lying on the living room floor laughing and playing—mommy, daddy, Rocky and Shae.

Shae is my little man, my bud, my flying baby, my squiggly-wiggly squirmy-wormy skinny-minny poopy-bear. He’s what makes my world turn. And I couldn’t be happier to turn 33, especially when it means birthday hugs and kisses from my son.

Santa!

Shae's first Santa visit was a huge success! We went to the Bachmans on Lyndale where they have a fantastic Santa. He and his elf even do a fun little show before photo time. We purposefully showed up towards the end of the show, not knowing how long Shae would last before wanting to get the heck outa there. We caught the last couple of songs and then waited in line for the big moment. Shae was an angel through the whole thing.

Getting ready to go
Okay, Mom, let's go already! I can hardly contain my excitement!
Santa and the "big kids" singing Jingle Bells
Oh my gosh...It's really him...
What's up Santa?

Okay, now when will I see these TOYS which Santa speaks of?

Rise and Shine!

I just have to share with everyone what a great "waker" Shae is these days. Whether he's waking up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning or waking up from his third nap of the day, he does so in such a delightful manner. I first know that he's waking up when I hear him babbling away quietly to himself. Each "word" goes up in pitch at the end, making it sound as if he's asking himself a question. "Maaa?" "Baaa?" "Ooou?" His quiet babbling soon turns to shrieks of delight. I can't get in there fast enough at this point, as I know that the biggest smiles and silliest faces will be there to greet me. Here are some of the fun faces I see within 20 seconds of peering into that crib:


What? Doesn't everybody wake up this happy?

The Sounds of Teething

The first tooth is in! Shae's bottom left tooth made an appearance yesterday and now we're just waiting for his neighbor to the right to break through. It's been an interesting week with this new stage. Poor little guy has just not been himself as he's been dealing with the pains of teething. We've been doing our best to help him through it with a number of different remedies: Baby Orajel, frozen teething rings, homeopathic teething tablets, Mommy's finger, Infant Tylenol, Daddy's finger; all of which seem to be somewhat helpful, at least temporarily.
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Shae has been making some new sounds to help him cope with this new sensation. He gets a very serious look on his face and makes a deep "oooo oooo oooo" sound, often followed by a scream. I did my best to get it on video, but again, once he sees that camera he holds back a bit. Sometimes when he makes these sounds he seems perfectly content and you wouldn't even think he was uncomfortable, but here you can see his discomfort. It's cute and sad at the same time...